I need to hit the pause button so I can hit my knees
And tell God all the things my words could never speak
They say to close my eyes, that this is where we’ll meet
But “rest” is so much more than putting up my feet
I open up my mouth, but my hands are never splayed
I’m good for a petition but I’ve never really prayed
They say each part has its role but my ears don’t know their job—
Trained on my wanting notes and not the voice of God
And every night I go to bed, I say I’ll try my best
Molding with clasping hands a restless space of rest
I beg to hear His voice but my cries drown out His song
And I am left frustrated that what I hear is “wrong”
So what if I just sit and say nothing at all
And let Him answer me in this—the same blessed, silent call?
Is this not communion, to simply know that He is here,
Independent of my voice or His or any sort of prayer?
To in the silence know this—that I am still to take Him
Not only at His sacred Word but at His promised “I AM”?
So Lord let me just sit in your Presence soft and near,
And let this be the still reminder for the one that needs to hear.
— S.B., August 11, 2021*
Sitting in a park in Recreo, my neighborhood in Viña del Mar, Chile, Spring 2019...
*Though this poem was written two years later, I learned a lot about communion during my time in Chile. I spent this specific day completely alone--a full 24 hours of silence (hard when you are living with a host family)--seeking God's voice. At the end of it all, I remember thinking that I hadn't received any "answers," but even if that were true (I do not believe it was), there was still a sort of sweetness at the end of it, and I remember feeling refreshed. And maybe that was the "answer" I needed in the moment--thinking back to that season of life, I'm sure it was. Now, four years later (and two years after this poem was written), I can't help but laugh (and lament a bit) that the lesson remains equally applicable in this season; I realize, rereading this poem in a new season with new prayers and new desires, that I am indeed "the one that needs to hear."
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