They were alive for a while
And then suddenly they were not—
Like a sick and dying brother:
My dreams
For a while we played together
Laughed together
Talked together
Danced together
Propelling each other forward
In raw passion and excitement
Joy sparkling behind our eyes
As we considered what was
And what could be
I don’t know when that all changed
When they got sick, I suppose
Not immune to widespread panic
And shifting priorities
Absorbing it all instead
And as much as I tried to protect them
They grew colder
And meaner
And the shadows deepened
Behind their eyes
Until I could hardly recognize them—
The brother of my dreams
For all my efforts—
And there were many—
Nights of pumping their chest
With my trembling hands
And pressing my mouth to theirs
To blow life into their lungs—
I wasn’t enough to keep them breathing
To keep them flickering
They coughed and sputtered
And in the absence of the fire
I threw up a thousand prayers
Hoping the incense
Would be enough to fan
What little flame there was left
But it wasn’t
And they weren’t
And before my eyes
They turned to ash
If you had been there,
They wouldn’t have died
If you had been there,
They’d be here still
In the hours after
I have not accepted their death
I’ve only continued to hold
Their lifeless body
Continued to breathe
Lifeless breaths
Into stony lungs
Continued to insist
That the flame of ages past
Is still very much alive
That I can still dance
Clutching lifeless limbs
There comes a point
When I must realize
The faithlessness of my denial
That striving grief
Is no grief at all
Because God does not resurrect
That which is not dead
And the stone cannot be rolled away
From a tomb that was never sealed
I once learned
It takes a few days
For something to really die
For something to be well past
The point of human revival
At which point
Only one person's glory
Is able to show up
So take and seal them
Take and seal them
Four long days
—Where have you laid them—
And perhaps a bit longer
Just to be sure
—Come and see—
And I will trust
With the seed that I have
—Take the stone away—
What is Death will stay
And what is Life will rise
—COME OUT—
Walking towards me
—Unbind him, and let him go—
Cloths falling
Eyes blinking
Hands reaching
Passion waking
Joy surging
And I will dance again
With the brother of my dreams
When Jesus arrived, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days.
John 11:17
Old church cemetery inside Cades Cove Loop, Smoky Mountains, eastern TN
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