Airplane: Where I (used to) feel closest to God
A mode of transportation. “A powered flying vehicle with fixed wings and a weight greater than that of the air it displaces.” A steel contraption that barrels through the air at hundreds of miles per hour (a standard Boeing 737 has a max speed of 588 mph, according to FLYING Magazine). Most airplanes run on two engines, but almost every plane can safely fly with one engine, though much less efficiently. Translation: When in crisis mode, it’s good to get to the ground. The emergency oxygen masks on an airplane only last about 15 minutes—you can’t stay in the air forever. Landing is critical. Flying is scary, but almost 80% of plane crashes occur when taking off or touching down. And yet, optimally, 95% of those involved in plane crashes survive them.
Breathe in.
Bees and benches: My name and my game
Bees make honey. Honey lasts for a long time, long after people leave and conversations end. Long after heartache soars and softens and numbs and rips open and finally fades into the occasional pang of resurfacing memory. This, too, can be sweet.
Have you ever realized that honeybees sting to preserve the peace? Even if it kills them.
Benches are places of rest, reflection, solitude, and company. They are fun to rate, and the world needs more whimsy.
Cherry blossoms: I am who you say I am
A song by Andy Squyres.
Called sakura in Japan. Cherry blossoms have a palpable fragrance, evident wherever they are, no matter how short a time they stay. To see them for oneself, timing is everything—many cherry trees remain in bloom for only two weeks.
Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world’s a choir—and singing! Spring warblers are filling the forest with sweet strains. Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed, and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms. Oh, get up, dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me! ... Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing.
A sign of renewal.
Driving: My happy place
Freedom to sing at the top of your lungs. No one but God can hear you. If other drivers can tell the difference between crying and laughing or singing and talking on the phone, they won’t say it.
Ideal bonding time—with others or with yourself.
From West Des Moines, with stops, it’s about three hours to Kansas City, 10 hours to Denver, 10 hours to Nashville, and six hours to Duluth. With a moderate number of breaks, you can knit one whole sock in that time or listen to 400 pages of an audiobook. Friends make good pillows.
It’s easier to drive north than it is to drive south. Someday, this will change.
Eloi eloi, lama sabachthani: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
What Jesus said to the Father, so that we don’t have to.
Five by five: Lord in your mercy, hear my prayer
Flight lexicon. According to Charter Flight Group, a phrase that means “radio reception is loud and clear,” on a scale of one to five. Messages easily transmitted and, notably, easily received. No confusion—I know what you said.
The dimensions of a standard game of Wordle.
Guanacaste: Tasting freedom in reunions
A province on the Northern Pacific Coast of Costa Rica, home to many volcanoes, world-class surfing and beaches—usually very, very touristy. A dry, tropical climate, but May is the start of the rainy season, which means (if you’re lucky) there will be fewer people. It is not far to the Monteverde cloud forest or the beach in Tamarindo.
Here, you can run on the sand without pain.
A reminder: Friends are the family you choose.
Home: Always with me
Not a place.
Number of places that “home” currently resides: 6. (This is not equal to the number of homes.)
It is beautiful to visit home, but it is also beautiful when home visits you.
Innocence: I am still a child
I wash my hands in innocence and go about your altars, O Lord, singing aloud your praise and telling of all your marvelous deeds.
Joy: The quality of God I most desire to see in its completeness
Summer days on the river. A sun shower—joy and sorrow, but mostly joy. A video of golden retrievers playing fetch. Visiting homes. Watching your friend get married. Herding goats. Biking 60 miles. Eating ice cream. Walking in the woods. Writing. Playing guitar. Eating more ice cream. Getting caught in the rain. Being held. Spending time with friends. Bantering in the office. Thinking of a joke two hours after its funniness has expired. Laughing anyways.
The crew.
Knitting: Visual progress
Your coworker will get you started; thank you for helping her granddaughter serve, set, and pass. The ladies at the yarn store know which yarn is best for socks: Merino wool (or a blend), fingering weight (4ply).
Knitting socks requires smaller needles. They’re joined in a circle, which gets tangled sometimes. Casting on is hard, but your older sister can show you how. She is patient.
Blue socks, brown socks, red socks. Imperfections make them special. Give them away.
A great car, train, or plane activity—TSA won’t usually mind. When knitting for a long time, remember to hold your pinky out or your hands will cramp up.
Listen: -
Some friends will talk. Some will listen. Those who do both are special—keep them close. It is okay to let the others go, at least in some capacity. (Which one will you be?)
Mountainous Terrain Escape Routes: A not-so-fun learning process
Aeroclass.org says, “The routes that allow a pilot to take an aircraft to an altitude below the Minimum Obstacle Clearance Altitude (MOCA) in case of emergency without any danger when flying over an area of high and mountainous terrain.” When flying over areas of high terrain, threats to safety that require immediate descent include: engine failure, loss of pressurization, and fire. Pilots must be aware of escape routes along the flight path over mountainous terrain before they begin the flight. Depending on the flight path, different route segments will have different escape fixes (starting points to initiate the escape route).
Ideally, there is no need to employ the mountainous terrain escape routes. Ideally, the mountain will move. Escape is tempting, but when engines fail or pressure increases, it may be necessary. Discerning this is quite hard.
On a separate note, the mountains still call. But it’s different now.
Nathaniel: A disciple I like
When Jesus saw Nathaniel approaching, he said, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.”
Sub-entry: Deceit: The practice of duping someone by misrepresenting the truth.
Desires transparency. Has a pure heart.
Seen under the fig tree.
Outhouse: The pretext under which to spend time with siblings
Necessary to build because the cabin has no plumbing. Your brother knows what to do. You help measure and learn how to use a table saw. In all the photos, your sister is standing around doing nothing, but that’s not accurate; you all worked together. You didn’t finish, but for you, it wasn’t about that.
Located near the Boundary Waters—a special place to be for Labor Day weekend.
Together again.
Plus-one: The ideal way to attend a celebration
The additional guest invited by the primary wedding guest.
Employed in Oskaloosa, Iowa (a barn) and Des Moines, Iowa (a botanical garden).
Access to free food, solid dancing, without any financial obligation. The anonymity is only mildly awkward.
Queen: Treat myself
The ideal size for a bed. The delivery guy isn’t supposed to help move it in, but he’s kind and does it anyways. Maybe he can tell you’re a little nervous about figuring this all out by yourself.
[COMMA], Dairy: A good place for ice cream and conversation and inside jokes that remind you that the realest friendships don’t require you to apologize for your quirks.
Rehabilitation: Progress, again
The process of healing, of teaching your muscles and joints to work together again without pain. It won’t be fast, but you’ll need to stick with it. Celebrating the small successes is key—the world does not teach this well. You must walk before you can run, and run messily before you can stride again. Be patient with yourself because He is patient with you.
An intermediary form of social assistance, linking “relief” and “development.” These are categories expounded upon by The Chalmers Center’s When Helping Hurts books and videos—excellent for pre-mission trip education. Rehabilitation should be focused on doing “with,” not “for.”
Do with, not for. Remember, you are your best friend—be kind to yourself.
Serotonin: My body is a temple
A neurotransmitter that aids in communication between the brain and nervous system cells. Stabilizes mood and feelings of happiness and well-being. High stress levels as a child can lead to low serotonin levels as an adult. (There may be other causes, but this is interesting.)
Tryptophan (amino acid) is a building block of serotonin. Eating foods like eggs, salmon, turkey, nuts, seeds, and cheese can help increase tryptophan levels. Exercise and exposure to light can also boost serotonin levels naturally. So can meditation. Worry about nothing, pray about everything. And the peace of God that surpasses understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(God works through medicine, too.)
Thanksgiving: An attitude I sometimes struggle with
“Gratitude”: A song by Brandon Lake.
A day to spend with home (yes, “with,” not “at”). You might find you actually like sweet potatoes. Pumpkin pie pumpkins are supposed to be the perfect size to make an actual pumpkin pie—and they do. The canned stuff is better, though. Time flies when you’re betraying each other in a house on the hill. It’s possible to love someone else’s dog like they’re your own.
It’s fun to send and receive snail mail. That said, FaceTime is a gift.
Not everyone’s parents support their life choices. Recognize how blessed you are.
Unbeatable prices: I am my mother’s daughter and my brother’s sister
Sub-entry: Costco is an American cultural phenomenon whose first warehouse opened in Seattle in 1983. Its products bear the label Kirkland Signature, named after the location of its first headquarters before it moved to Issaquah, Washington. It’s in Iowa and Minnesota too. A membership is required to shop there—they take it very seriously. The aisles are short enough to spot your 6-foot-8-inch brother browsing the aisles for brownie bites. They have flannels too—only $10. (That can’t be ethical.) Costco is proof that your parents change, too. It’s bittersweet. You might resist, but your brother’s excitement is contagious. It might be corny, but you’d shop in every Costco nationwide just to witness that spark on repeat.
Volleyball: More than a hobby
A sport played on a 30’x 60’ court, divided in half by a net, which is at different heights for men and women. Uses a ball. Six players on each side (or four or five). Sand leagues in the summer, indoor leagues in the winter.
Cause for competition. Usually it is friendly. You might have to remind yourself to calm down. Luckily, your teammates have grace for that.
A means of teaching a sixth grader that she is capable of learning and excelling at new things.
An excuse for a family reunion. (Grandma has a dirt court—it will require two hours of tilling every summer because the grass grows over it.) Hopefully, this will continue.
A continually answered prayer.
Walking and writing: Gifts
Walking: What you do at first because you cannot run, and then because it is its own form of joy. It takes a little over an hour to complete the three-mile loop at Raccoon River. Less if you do not stop and watch the geese.
Writing: Your safe haven.
Both: When done on uneven ground, a measure of healing.
Ideal bonding time—with yourself or others (see “Driving”).
Spirit-filled.
X – Pivoting in your head is hard, and even more so in your heart
A symbol for cancellation. Cancelled dreams, cancelled plans.
Also a symbol for “cross.” (Tilt it, you’ll see.) This is the better symbol to focus on—it is a safe place to land.
Yoke – The truth will set me free
According to Spartan College of Aeronautics and Technology, a yoke is “similar to a steering wheel on a car, …[allowing] the pilot to turn the aircraft and adjust both its pitch and its altitude.” Adjusting the pitch and altitude is necessary for a smooth flight when the plane encounters turbulence. It is also necessary for taking off and landing. Pulling back the yoke lifts the nose of the plane; pushing the yoke forward lowers it. Turning the yoke left rolls the plane to the left; turning the yoke to the right rolls it right. When the yoke is directly connected to the control surface by cables and rods (small- to medium-sized aircraft), human strength alone isn’t enough, so there are hydraulic systems in place, through which the yoke controls hydraulic valves and actuators.
A wooden crosspiece fastened over the necks of two animals (i.e., oxen) joined together, typically for the purpose of pulling a plow, enabling the animals to work in tandem. To work together. Notably, one ox is older, more seasoned. The younger has less experience, less wisdom. This pairing allows the older ox to train the younger through the work. The older ox will bear more of the load—the younger learns simply by following. Come to me, all you who are weary and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.
Z – The end is only the beginning
When repeated, the sound a plane makes, when it lands and when it takes off. The startup of the engines, the power-down of the engines. The whir of a metal contraption getting ready for adventure, for turbulence, for new sights and new experiences. The buzz of this same strong, sturdy capsule realizing it is time to descend again, to trust the refueling process, before it can think about embarking out in similar skies.
Zzzzzz—the sound of a plane taking off. The sound of a plane landing. With your eyes closed, with your heart heavy with good and hard things, with your head buried against the chest of someone you love, how can you tell? Maybe, just maybe, it’s both: A landing and a taking off. In the benches and the bees, it just may be that Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. And if not now, then soon.
And until then, say this:
In walking and writing and volleyball and driving and knitting, My God, my God, thank you for not forsaking me.
In pivoting and rehabilitating and learning to traverse mountainous routes, I wash my hands in innocence and go about your altars, O Lord, singing aloud your praise and telling of all your marvelous deeds.
In my understanding of “home,” my temple, and my pursuit of “five by five,” I am an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.
As I pursue joy and thanksgiving and a yoke of freedom, plus one-and-a-thousand-other-things, I will worry about nothing and pray about everything, and Your peace will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
Breathe out.
***
Flying to Portland, Oregon in June 2022
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